If you were like me, you spent a lot of time reading poetry in college. And you may have, like me, memorized and analyzed the hell out of a Wallace Stevens poem called “Thirteen Way of Looking at a Blackbird.”

What’s that? You didn’t? Hm. Well, this isn’t about you, is it? Is today YOUR birthday? Is YOUR name Rebecca? Are YOU posting in your personal blog for the first time in a year? I didn’t THINK so.

If you don’t know about “Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird,” I suggest you do some research. It’s a freaking wonderful poem, people. It had a powerful impact on me and many other English majors. It still baffles me and gives me the creeps and makes me feel sad and hopeful all at once. Go read the original poem here. And if you want a taste of what we did with this poem in college, read this Wikipedia entry.

Now go reread my Field Guide to Your Boyfriend post.

I’m going to transform this marvel of modern poetry by changing every instance of the word “blackbird” to “boyfriend” and we shall see what happens. This is my present to all of you on my birthday.

Oh, one more thing: what’s nice about being me is that I know people who can do weird, weird stuff on command. After the poem ends, you get to see something my friend Patrick made specifically for this post, even though he didn’t know what the post was about yet. He was just following my mysterious directions. Thanks Patrick!

Thirteen Ways of Looking at Your Boyfriend

I
Among twenty snowy mountains,
The only moving thing
Was the eye of your boyfriend.

II
I was of three minds,
Like a tree
In which there are three boyfriends.

III
Your boyfriend whirled in the autumn winds.
He was a small part of the pantomime.

IV
A man and a woman
Are one.
A man and a woman and your boyfriend
Are one.

V
I do not know which to prefer,
The beauty of inflections
Or the beauty of innuendoes,
Your boyfriend whistling
Or just after.

VI
Icicles filled the long window
With barbaric glass.
The shadow of your boyfriend
Crossed it, to and fro.
The mood
Traced in the shadow
An indecipherable cause.

VII
O thin men of Haddam,
Why do you imagine golden birds?
Do you not see how your boyfriend
Walks around the feet
Of the women about you?

VIII
I know noble accents
And lucid, inescapable rhythms;
But I know, too,
That your boyfriend is involved
In what I know.

IX
When your boyfriend flew out of sight,
He marked the edge
Of one of many circles.

X
At the sight of boyfriends
Flying in a green light,
Even the bawds of euphony
Would cry out sharply.

XI
He rode over Connecticut
In a glass coach.
Once, a fear pierced him,
In that he mistook
The shadow of his equipage
For boyfriends.

XII
The river is moving.
Your boyfriend must be flying.

XIII
It was evening all afternoon.
It was snowing
And it was going to snow.
Your boyfriend sat
In the cedar-limbs.